Nekromantik (1987)

And now for something completely different…

There are a few movies out there I dread seeking out. Even so, my curiosity usually gets the better of me, which eventually led me to Nekromantik. What can be said about Nekromantik? Right from the amateurish opening credits you notice the movie’s grim visual style. Virtually everything and everyone looks ugly and filthy. If you want more sanitized depictions of corpse violation try to watch Nacho Cerda’s Aftermath instead. Fortunately the gritty visuals here, much like, say The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, works to its advantage.

The story revolves around Rob who works at Joe’s Street Cleaning Agency, which basically bags corpses from accidents, murders etc. Rob has a nice collection of body parts in his apartment, where he lives with his girlfriend Betty. One day he gets the task of disposing of the recent body they picked up. Instead he takes it home with him. There is a wonderful, “Honey! I’m home!”, like moment as he arrives and eagerly shows Betty the rotting carcass. Rob gently strokes and presses his finger down on the moist remaining eyeball, smiling.

The scene that provides us with said body is truly corny. A German guy (well, they’re all German here) is drinking beer whilst shooting his BB gun and accidentally hits the neighbor who happens to be picking apples at the time. He lands on a rake and dies. This is all accompanied by weird, yet strangely fitting, music. There is also a garden gnome witnessing the whole affair, but he remains silent.

Betty and Rob lives happily with their new found friend until he is fired for being late for job. This infuriates Betty, who dumps Rob and leaves with their mutual love interest.

Now Nekromantik gives you a pretty darn twisted threesome with Betty, Rob and the corpse. Seeing Rob suck out his eyeball in a sensual manner is not the stuff of ordinary films. Yet, I think the scene is… wait for it… done in a tasteful manner. Now this may be the oxymoron if ever there was one, but the visual style in this scene makes it less disgusting. Maybe because you notice the effects and it draws some of your attention away from what is actually going on? Either way this will test the limits of most people. Fortunately, those who deliberately seek this movie out aren’t most people. I wonder how many people out there who accidentally stumbled over Nekromantik?

A different kind of love story.

Corpse fucking 101. You will need one pipe to substitute the corpse's penis.

Betty leaving sends Rob in a downwards spiral. He tries to get his mind on other things and goes to the movies, where he watches a slasher. Now I would very much have enjoyed seeing a full length feature of this film within a film. It’s trashy and contains sexualized violence (reason enough for banning it in the UK even without the actual movie I’m sure). This doesn’t really work for him, so he treats himself to a hooker instead. However this whole ordeal has emasculated Rob who is unable to get an erection. She laughs to his discontent before lying lifeless on a tombstone as Rob takes back control. Or would that be loses control? This is followed by a nice beheading reminiscent of the one early on in Bad Taste. Rob then proceeds to run around happily, in what I’m not sure whether is fantasy or reality. Regardless, seeing him running and cheering has a naïve quality to it that makes me laugh every time. He also nails his little Jesus figure to the cross. Does Rob see the possibility of dying and being resurrected? The movie screams; YES! His demise remains one of the sickest endings ever put on film. It feels strangely elevating despite being what it is. I also like the contrast here, sprouting life as he dies. Buttgereit expertly punctuates that fine line between life and death, both coming together at the same time. It leaves me flabbergasted every time. Stranger even is that Buttgereit manages to top this ending in Nekromantik 2, if you can believe it.

Nekromantik is a disgusting film. What exonerates it from being just a disgusting film is the sheer creativity behind it all. It’s made with a real can-do attitude, humor and a certain naivety. I guess that is necessary to make something like Nekromantik. While it is an unpleasant watch it simultaneously plays like a romantic comedy for the truly demented. I love the fact that someone actually had this idea and then made a film out of it. I’ve seen it five times so far and I keep going back from time to time just to be reminded of what movies with balls look like. Bravo Jörg Buttgereit! Bravo!

8/10

The Annihilators (1985)

Complete annihilation…

After a former brother-in-arms from Vietnam is killed by a gang of thugs his former platoon leader is recruited to clean up the streets. He summons the rest of the squad and the game is on. The story is simple and has been done several times before. There is a relatively short first part that takes place in Vietnam to establish the relationship between the soldiers. I really wish they had spent another ten minutes building on this to give the rest of the film a deeper emotional impact. Sure this is a 80s vigilante film, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have characters we really care about. Does it? The vigilante force also teaches the neighborhood how they can defend themselves in a montage. And who doesn’t enjoy a good montage? This montage is mediocre, but that’s okay. The Annihilators could easily have been mistaken for the A-Team. They aren’t that professional and they are slightly more violent. Other than that they are just the same. In fact there is at least on A-Team episode exactly like this film. One of the highlights in this film is the gang leader. He looks like a shabby Kurt Russell and when he wears that wonderful pink t-shirt you won’t exactly tremble with fear. The guy has balls though. At one point he walks around in the middle of the street with a flamethrower yelling that he wants his drugs back. NOW! It’s hilarious stuff! How he became a gang leader is anyone’s guess. He isn’t a very good leader and his minions are even less capable of anything. They are crappy stereotypes, which I suppose is only what one can expect from a movie like this. On the positive side, this only adds to the overall cheese factor. 

Now the thing that really annoyed me about The Annihilators is the title. It’s called THE ANNIHILATORS! The definition of annihilate in the Oxford dictionary is; to destroy completely. Our vigilante squad frequently just hurt the gang members. Only towards the end do we see a somewhat steady rise in bodies. However, they are still merely shot. At least director Charles E. Sellier Jr. could have had the decency to give us some Peckinpah or Woo style shootings. And even then I doubt they could have called themselves The Annihilators with pride. Now had they taken out the scumbags with rocket launchers, claymore mines or such, the whole affair would have looked a lot different! It's a shame really, especially considering the directors' previous film was the brutal Christmas slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night. This could have been way more satisfying.

I could go on about all the things The Annihilators isn’t, but that would be unfair to it. For all its faults The Annihilators provide some entertainment, mostly in the cheese department. Grab some recreational drugs, a pizza and watch with friends.

4/10

Beneath (2007)

Nothing new…

As a teenager Christy Wescot and her sister Vanessa are in a car accident. Vanessa becomes horribly burned before she eventually dies. Christy has a mental breakdown and leaves town. Six years later she returns when their old caretaker passes away. Memories and visions haunt her. Could Vanessa be trying to say something from beyond the grave?

We’ve seen the story before. A person who has suffered some childhood trauma returns home only to be confronted with demons past. Beneath never manages to do something new and creative with this concept, but in its unoriginality it still remains pretty watchable. One of the reasons for this is the mercifully short running time and general pace. There isn’t anything excessive in the movie. We are told what’s necessary and little else. Some movies need time to unfold, while others like Beneath, benefit on being concise and to the point. None of the actors really make a mark, but Nora Zehetner as Christy is likeable enough. It was a pleasant surprise to see Don S. Davis (Twin Peaks, Stargate SG-1) in a minor role as the caretaker Joseph too. The technical aspects of the movie are generally decent, with a couple of great shots, like the tracking shot as Christy first comes home. There was one musical cue that was supposed to scare, but instead came off as forced ruining an otherwise decent scene. Speaking of scares there is very little suspense in the movie. The returning visions may yank those dosing on the couch back to reality, however it soon becomes tiresome. Only towards the end does Beneath manage to create some tension, but it’s too little too late. The ending was an interesting mess making me wonder if they were unsure how to round it all off.

Ultimately Beneath isn’t likely to scare horror fans, though a younger crowd may find it satisfying. The film is well made for being a straight-to-DVD release and everyone involved seem to have contributed the best they could. It looks alright and it kept my attention throughout. I only wish they had made a stronger effort in writing the script.

5/10

Red Nights of the Gestapo (1977)

Naughty Nazis in for the win!

After Nazi Rudolph Hess “escapes” to the United Kingdom his right hand man, Colonel Werner von Uhland, is given a mission to redeem himself. The objective is to lure out sneaky dissidents for the glory of the Third Reich. The Colonel is eager to do right, especially since the Gestapo threatens to hurt him and his family should he not comply. He meets them and sets up an evening for plotting against Hitler. Uhland being the great SS officer that he is enlists the help of several women and a little girl to make sure it will be an unforgettable night of sexual debauchery.

What is the deal with paranoid Nazis? They just won’t trust anyone! The year before Tinto Brass unleashed his Naziploitation masterpiece Salon Kitty, which also dealt with the top brass using women trained in sexual perversions to lure out the secrets of their not-so-trusted soldiers. Bruno Mattei ripped off this the same year as Red Nights of the Gestapo with SS Girls. Red Nights of the Gestapo is somewhere in the middle of all this. It balances between cheap looking sets to some rather good looking ones. The dialogue is also better than most of its kind, even though there are certain moments that are likely to have you laughing; “I want to meet Hitler too! Tell papa I want to!” No, kid you really don’t! Or there is the scene when one of Uhland’s superiors is strutting his abilities to reflect; “The murder of Überstormfuhrer Tanner unfortunately is unexplainable. Though I shall endeavor to see if British espionage played a part in it. I’m inclined to think it’s homosexuality. The one subject on which our culture is not omnipotent.” Yes, homosexuality can be the only explanation for this!

Uhland uses the expertise of Professor Strauss when enlisting women for his big show. Strauss has experimented on the mentally insane and has found a way to make them compliant. The Colonel leaves with a sadist, a masochist and a nymphomaniac. He also acquires a young lactating woman for the traitor with the mommy issues and a young girl, Eva, for the pedophile in the group. It’s not a very uplifting that a bunch of sadists, masochists, pedophiles and other degenerates are the ones who actually want to stop Hitler. Will the world really be a better place if they run the show? My vote is NO. There really aren’t very many people to empathize with in this one. You hope that Eva somehow will manage to go through the ordeal unscathed, but this film isn’t about hope and happy endings.

Open for interpretation... 

Red Nights of the Gestapo doesn’t really add anything new to the genre, but is competently executed in most areas. One issue I do have is that several times scenes end too abruptly. It feels as if director Fabio De Agostini doesn’t know how to end a scene and therefore chooses to hack it off and move forward. The sleaze is actually rather tastefully done as far as Naziploitation flicks goes and there is variety in the cruelties on display. It was interesting to see one of the traitors gradually losing his calm as the sadist and the masochist go at it. Indulging himself in a little torture and murder was just what he needed to brighten the day. Agostini manages to create several wonderful scenes that show the insanity of it all. Power and corruption go hand in hand. The final shot of little Eva walking through a doorframe, gently pushing one of the traitors dangling in the air, and entering a room full of dead people is a heartbreakingly sad, yet ever so poignant shot.

Red Nights of the Gestapo is one of the better installments in the Naziploitation genre. It balances the ugly and tacky with some genuine talent and eye for more than mere exploitation. At 108 minutes it could easily have been a chore to sit through, but the film managed to keep my interest for the duration. It makes me wish Agostini had directed more films. 

6/10

August Underground's Penance (2007)

The unhappy finish…

The murderous pair returns for what is, as of yet, their final outing. As usual they leave a long trail of human suffering behind them. Oh glory!

I’m really running out of words for the August Underground films. Against my expectations the first one proved to be a grim, but interesting exercise in sadism. Mordum took things even further and remains the sickest film that has violated my retinas. So where could Vogel and company take it after that? Where could viewers possibly want the filmmakers to take them? Some place where the sun doesn’t shine, that’s for sure!

One thing they have done this time around is using a better camera to showcase the excellent looking gore. Yes, we sure are making progress! The atrocities are as usual highly upsetting for most people and should be so for everyone. We get a fairly unpleasant home invasion scene that felt like an echo from Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. The father is hit in the head with a hammer and is left bleeding helpless while the wife is abused. You wish that the couple don’t have any children, but that small hope is soon extinguished pushing the limits even further. Another scene earlier in the film has a man the killers have hit in the head in the head lying bloody on the floor. He isn’t able to move. Our male killer (Vogel) drags the hammer back and forth behind the victims head and then knocks it in the ground right behind him a couple of times. Helplessly his eyes wink at the sound of the hammer hitting the pavement. So are my eyes. It’s a very efficient scene and that blunt sound terrifying. There really wasn’t any need to make more out of that particular scene, but with August Underground the option for less is more doesn’t exist. I could go on about all the sick shit that any viewer will have to endure, but you get the general idea. That is until you see this picture:

There are two things, apart from the violence, that have really stuck with me. One thing is the killers’ maniacal laughter. It adds and unpleasant dimension of joy to the overall atmosphere. Not only do they torture, rape and kill, but they are having a great time while doing it, for the most part anyway. There is one instance where Vogel stops and breathes heavily not to vomit while cutting out the guts of one of his victims. He then continues. I was fascinated by his conviction to go on when the stench was so overwhelming. The other thing is Vogel’s anger. Whenever he says something in anger, which is quite frequently, there is an intensity of pure hate that seems terrifyingly real. When he says something like: “Don’t you EVER fucking disrespect me again!”, you know he means it!

I know there isn’t a terrible lot of plot to talk about; however I found a lot of the scenes to drag out. The scenes that don’t involve cruelties that is. If you’ve seen any of the other in the series you should know what to expect. While you can rely on Penance to be reasonably upsetting I still had the feeling of diminished shock value this time around. That is definitely food for thought on my perception of it all. No, this isn’t a great film either, but if you like your scummy films to truly push the limits then go right ahead. I hope this will be the last of them.

7/10

The Terror of Tiny Town (1938)

Small world…

If you’re reading this, chances are you either know an eccentric movie buff or are a cinematic voyeur being inexplicably drawn to seeking out the weirdest and narrowest films out there. Welcome to The Terror of Tiny Town.

Let me start off by saying that I’ve seen this film six times so far and only at this point have I been able to grasp its relatively simple plot. There are some good guys, some bad guys and a lovely little (the punning has begun!) lady caught right smack in the middle. That’s about it. Stuff happens and someone goes out victoriously, as often happens in movies.

The movie opens on a stage where an announcer presents the movie while holding the hero and the villain apart. It underlines how this movie is meant as a novelty to a 1930s audience. They present it as rather humorous with tongue firmly in-cheek, but I’m unsure and curious about how the participants experienced it.

The first text that appears during the opening credits read: “Astor Pictures presents Jed Buell’s Midgets.” Does Jed Buell own them? Just look:

This is followed by the title; “The Terror of Tiny Town – with an all midget cast.” And this again is followed by “The midgets” and a list of the characters. Not starring or list of characters, but MIDGETS if you still haven’t gotten it. Yes, times sure have changed.

The Terror of Tiny Town isn’t exactly an artistic triumph, but rather your run-of-the-mill western with an all midget cast. The acting, dialogue, cinematography, editing and music are all pretty unremarkable. Billy Curtis playing the hero Buck Lawson makes a rather charismatic role though. He can also be seen in The Wizard of Oz, High Plains Drifter and Eating Raoul to name but a few of the movies he’s appeared in.

Is The Terror of Tiny Town worth viewing? Definitely! This is a surrealist film. Plenty of questions are sure to enter your head as you watch it. Does the movie exist in a universe where everyone is shorter or have they just made their own tiny town? If this is indeed a smaller world it probably wouldn’t be called tiny town. Questions and random thoughts like that will grow inside you and leave you puzzled.

Now why should you watch this?

-        The cast. They’re little guys with big guns!

-        They ride ponies. Really cute ponies.

-        The fact that this isn’t a big budget production.

-        When we can see that this is a low budget production, like when they enter the saloon. The swing doors are at the same height as their foreheads and they’re basically giving the door a high-five.

     Seeing the little guy drinking a large beer in one sip. Respect!

-       Because dwarfs LOVE to sing. This makes me wonder about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs which came out the previous year. Was there an increasing interest in dwarfs as a result of that movie? Did director Sam Newfield use that film as research material for this one?

-       The butch blacksmith.

-       The eccentric cook and his efforts to capture and kill Fritz the goose. He’s a crafty motherfucker!

-       Bad moustaches and beards.

-       The two men required to play the cello.

-       There is a penguin in it. Because this movie wasn’t strange enough already. Perhaps it was to compare sizes? I'm just speculating.

-       Because someone came up with the idea of making this movie and actually followed it through.

-       The most thrilling shoot-out on ponies that you have ever seen!

-        And last but not least the big dwarf fight at the end. That’s a couple of hard men right there!

The Terror of Tiny Town isn’t a very memorable film in itself, but as a curiosity it’s well worth tracking down, if only so you can say that you’ve seen it. Spend 61 minutes of your life to watch this. A planned sequel titled Hang ‘Em Not So High never materialized, which surely would have deserved a place as one of the greatest movie titles ever!

6/10