Hitch Hike to Hell (1977)

Take the bus instead…

Loving son and truck driver for a local commercial laundry, Howard Martin (, likes to pick up hitch hikers. It’s a noble thing to do, except for when the hitchhiker’s are running away from home. Howard will kill you for it!

Howard Martin is played by Robert Gribbin better known for his menacing role in Don’t Go Near the Park under the pseudonym Crackers Phinn. Why he wasn’t comfortable having his real name on that film remains a mystery, since Hitch Hike to Hell is just about as exploitative, though slightly less graphic. Martin’s problem with runaways stem from a very close relationship to his mother. That’s right; we have another psycho with severe mommy issues! At this point I’m beginning to wonder if this is the leading cause of serial killers. He is a simple and quiet soul except for his occasional murders. There is no reason to suspect a man like that! That was also the case with Ed Gein, but he turned out to have some rather nasty habits. Hitch Hike to Hell was also made in a time where there were several cases with real serial killers roaming the States. Both the Zodiac Killer and the Skid Row Slasher are briefly mentioned by the detectives trying to ground the film more in reality. It’s in bad taste, but works.

Say, may I offer you a ride in my van?

Now Hitch Hike to Hell is competently made for a 70s exploitation, even if it does add little to the serial killer genre. It all feels distinctly underdeveloped. Howard becomes less and less involved with his job as the murderous tendencies come more and more into play. Has he just started murdering when we enter the film or has it been going on for a longer period of time? I feel Hitch Hike to Hell would have benefited if we were given a catalyst for his behavior. His mother is a definite part, but what caused that final leap over to the dark side? It’s probably a bit too much to ask for in a low-budget 70s exploitation though.

There are a lot of good elements in Hitch Hike to Hell that unfortunately don’t add up to much in the end. I’m always weak when it comes to gritty 70s flicks, even if this one is quite mild and less exploitative than it should have been. Serial killers are always an interesting theme, so it’s too bad the execution wasn’t better. Still, you could do a lot worse.

5/10

Kidnapped Coed (1976)

Back in the 70s when people made movies…

Kidnapped Coed also known as Date with a Kidnapper and The Kidnap Lover marks Frederick R. Friedel’s second film in a grand total of three. Along for the ride he has actor Jack Canon, musicians George Newman Shaw and John Willhelm and cinematographer Austin McKinney. All were participants in Friedel’s debut Lisa, Lisa, better known as Axe for marketing purposes. The Kidnapped Coed title, coined by notorious distributor Harry Novak, is likely an attempt to cash in on the Edmund Kemper case, better known as “The Co-ed Killer” a few years earlier.

Eddie Matlock (Canon), a small time criminal, kidnaps young Sandra Morley (Leslie Rivers) for ransom. This marks the beginning of a strange journey through North Carolina.

Kidnapped Coed feels like a string of almost random scenes that all add up as a whole. Eddie and Sandra encounter two other bad guys at a hotel, which she initially thinks will save her, but instead rape her. Eddie saves her and their journey continues to the next location. One particularly strange and quite humorous scene is when a group of female birdwatchers walk around close to their new hideout. It helps in terms of developing the tone of the story, because while it starts off rather tensely it becomes lighter and lighter during its course. Canon makes a great leading guy that at first glance seems like a cold and calculating criminal, but as the story progresses he comes off as slightly tragic and even sympathetic. The dialogue is sparse, but it says just enough to make an impact. This is also a movie where silences speak volumes. Eddie and Sandra’s evolving relationship feels credible and makes you wonder how it all will end. The ending is quite abrupt, but according to Friedel himself he chose a voiceover ending since there wasn’t any money left for further shots. An unhappy ending was filmed at first, but dropped to keep the in synch with the tone of the film.

Friedel has made the little exploitation film that could with Kidnapped Coed. He is given ample support from the two leads that raise it above its simple roots. The music works well and is an important ingredient when it comes to developing the feel of the film. It certainly left me smiling and didn’t shy away from experimenting. Cinematographer McKinney provides inspired shots that are frequently more beautiful than you would expect from such a film. He went on to shoot Galaxy of Terror (1981) and Jaws 3-D (1983) among other and was apparently even assistant director on Coleman Francis legendary The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961). Friedel readily admits that much of the movie wasn’t planned exactly like it turned out, but this seems only to have benefitted Kidnapped Coed. It also explains the episodic nature of it. Kidnapped Coed wasn’t a big success upon release, but remains an oddity very much worth checking out. If Terrence Malick had made an exploitation film out of Badlands (1973) with a lower budget I imagine it could have looked something like this.

7.5/10

Death Wish II (1982)

Bronson’s loose again!

Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) has found relative peace in Los Angeles after the chaos caused with his hands-on approach to justice in New York two years earlier. His daughter is still suffering trauma from this, but he does his best to show her the better sides of life. Kersey has also found a love interest in the shape of Geri (Bronson’s real wife Jill Ireland). The storm appears to have calmed down. Unfortunately, Paul soon realizes that he is actually in the center of it.

While Death Wish showed us Paul’s gradual descent, or would that be ascent, to vigilante Death Wish II doesn’t need that. Kersey killed 9 scumbags on the streets of New York. All we need this time is motivation to make him pick up former hobbies. A gang of criminals featuring a young Laurence Fishburne provides him with said motivation. Paul’s maid is gang raped and eventually killed in particularly long and unpleasant scene. He is knocked out, his darling daughter kidnapped and subsequently not treated in the gentlest of ways. I consider myself rather hardened, but director Michael Winner still managed to push Death Wish II to uncomfortable limits. That is also why it has frequently been censored. Vigilante justice will be screaming in your ears after the first half hour. This second film is much more exploitative than the first one, dwelling much more on the sexual and violent aspects.

Raping Kersey's maid was a big mistake, but the worst is yet to come. 

Paul takes a short break after these tragic events before finding his gun and getting ready for payback. After acquiring a suitable vigilante outfit for scouring the streets the lone gunman starts his mission for justice/revenge. Watching Bronson prowling the streets is easily one of the movies’ highlights. Various great locations create a dark urban dystopia along with fitting 80s music by Jimmy Page.

Already in the opening credits a radio station broadcasts about how much the murder rate has gone up along with rape and other crimes. With an abundance of homicides it seems strange that the detectives come to the conclusion that a vigilante is on the loose, but hey, they could just be really smart guys. This leads them ask how the whole vigilante problem was taken care of in New York. Paul Kersey’s name comes up once again. Since they essentially sanctioned vigilante justice back there by letting him go, they aren’t that interested in Kersey being taken in and potentially letting out a political bomb while making him out as a martyr in the process. Kersey won’t be stopped though! Kersey is given leeway around most corners. A couple he saves from a gang of hoodlums is less than cooperative when the police ask them for a description. Most of the law abiding citizens appear to be pro-vigilantism. I cheer on Bronson as well, as will you.

There is something very satisfying with seeing scumbags meet their demise, especially when it comes in the shape of Charles Bronson. Death Wish II is at times highly unpleasant to watch building anticipation for the consequences. And there are indeed consequences for wrongdoings here! Michael Winner has created an urban hell that makes for a fascinating watch. Bronson provides us with a believable character with warmth and yet conveys stoicism aplenty. If you like brutal revenge movies then Death Wish II is for you.

8/10

Gutterballs (2008)

Strike!


I like movies that show exactly what they're like within the opening minutes. Gutterballs provides us with a beaver shot so candid that you in all likeliness will tilt your head and go; Hmm. This is the kind of film that goes that extra mile, something that undoubtedly will offend any regular and possibly the more hardened viewer.

A woman is raped in a bowling alley and the following evening people start dying at that very same bowling alley. Could this be a coincidence? Divine forces at large? Terrorists? Whoever or whatever the case may be the story is simple enough, so leave any intellectual expectations at the door or in the gutter.

Gutterballs scores a few points for style. It plays like an homage to the great heydays of 80s slashers. Even the costumes have a modern retro look that fits in nicely. It's cheesy, yet cool. Entertaining and at times squirm inducing sound effects too.

I've noticed a few complaints about the acting in this film, despite that no one would expect Oscar worthy performances in such a film. Yes, there are some notably weak performances, but I would like to defend the actors here. They are so incredibly over-the-top, just like they should be when spoofing such stereotypes, that you never accept them as real human beings. This is a good thing. They exist solely within the reality of this movie. I like the characters in the sense that they aren't played as anyone with any depth. Steve is a maniacal brute so up-tight that you expect him to explode at any given moment. He NEVER does a single thing that makes you reassess your hatred of him. You want him to die and that is the point. The sluts are slutty and everybody just wants to get their groove on. Now the dialogue is about as sharply written as you would expect. It constantly uses  fuck and its variations, cunt and mostly ferociously crude insults. You're likely to become tired of it (I was relieved whenever someone DIDN'T swear), but even so the excessive use of profanities becomes quite funny after a while. I would like to see a cartoon version of this. And I don't think this would have worked with the characters saying: "Would you be a darling and get me a beer?" It's not that kind of a film.

Then there is the great, talking, bowling ball polish machine. I really, really liked this machine and I wish it had more screen time. None of the bowlers contemplates its rude remarks, nor should they. I can't say I understand its purpose, but it adds to the surreal feeling that anything goes in this movie. If elves suddenly appeared and started dancing and singing I would be cool with that as well. Bring it on! As the notable rape scene commenced I initially thought it had a certain camp aspect to it. However, as it continued and the rest of Steve's gang joins in, with vicious brutality, this becomes one of the most unpleasant rapes you're ever likely to see in a movie, deserving a place alongside Meir Zarchi's I Spit on Your Grave and Irreversible. My friends squirmed and complained that it was pointless and overly long. Well, it drives the point home AND it makes you long for them to die in the most brutal manners possible. Mission accomplished.

Then there is the gore. The glorious gore! This is where Gutterballs really excels. It delivers buckets of blood. There is a scene of graphic genital mutilation that I'm sure will make anyone being sickened by the one in Hostel: Part II run for their lives. It doesn't look pretty! Shotgun blast to the throat, forced entry with sharpened bowling pin, strangulation, a slit throat, faced ripped to pieces plus other enjoyable deaths. We even get a death by phallus in a manner I'm not sure has been done since Joe D'Amato's Porno Holocaust. That takes balls (sorry, couldn't resist)! The unveiling of the killer ends in a climax so bloody I couldn't help but wonder if all the plastic sheets covering the room were there just so it would be easy for the crew to clean up after filming was done? Tell me I'm wrong. Not that it matters really.

Delivering the goods. Gory mayhem for the win.

No sane person would ever call Gutterballs a great film in any traditional sense. It's a simple story that slasher fans have seen time and again. And that's what we want! Add to that a director who obviously loves these films and brings with him a few new ideas to play around with and you are in for a bloody good time! It works within the confinements of the sub genre. Like previously mentioned, Gutterballs is not a film for the average film viewer. It isn't even a film for most horror fans. It's relentlessly brutal and never apologizes for it. Fortunately! But for those venturing in low-budget extreme cinema this is pure gold. I'm glad that there are people out there who still make films for this audience. It makes me feel spoiled and I love it!


8/10

Memories of movies #1 - Braindead

When I was a kid my parents were more strict than some of the other parents regarding what I could and could not see. It's interesting this tug-of-war. I respected, for the most part, my parents decisions when they said no, but circumvented this frequently by not asking them. If they hadn't been given the opportunity to say no, I couldn't really be blamed now, could I? One of my best friends had more liberal parents (well, several really, but one in particular). So, after having seen that crazy cover for Braindead at one of the local rental shops I immediately knew that this was something I had to see.

The Swedish VHS cover for Braindead. It's virtually identical to the Norwegian one.

I brought this to my friends attention on several occasions after this. He had no qualms about acquiring this one. His mother loved horror and his stepfather at the time was really cool. He even rented Showgirls for us at one time, but that's a different story. Anyway, we ended up renting Braindead for his tenth birthday. The rest of us we're still 9 years old at the time, so the year must have been 1994. As I realized he had actually rented the film and that we were going to watch it I hesitated for a moment. This looked really extreme and was a far cry from my usual movie diet. I was even hesitant when another friend one or two years earlier wanted to rent Batman Returns, which I loved from the very first moment. Braindead seemed to be in a whole other ball park though. A part of me considered the possibility that this film would cause me to throw up and so I kept an empty glass by my side, just in case. It still seems odd to me that I resonated like that at age 9. The VHS was put on and the very graphic opening gave us all a taste of what was in store for the next 90 minutes plus. My friend had a German Shepard and Westland High Terrier. Both of them were female and during the course of Braindead they tried humping each other in front of the screen several times. It didn't work very well, though they seemed happy. At one point anther one of my friends put some chips on my knee, which the German Shepard promptly ate. I felt the teeth gently meeting my leg as she took them. My friend was laughing. I wasn't at the time. As for the glass it was soon put down and we all laughed and had a great time from beginning to end. We were shocked and thrilled. It was an instant hit for us. Watching Braindead that day also became one of my first meetings with horror and the more extreme films that are out there. Several years went by after that before my obsession with horror and alternative film blossomed, but Braindead was a cornerstone.

Since that day I've seen Braindead about once a year making it somewhere between 16 and 20 times. I never grow tired of this film. It has an abundance of gore that hasn't been equaled before or since, though some have tried, most notably Olaf Ittenbach's Premutos - Der gefallene Engel. It is also an utterly hilarious movie and very well made. I keep showing this movie to the uninitiated and baptized at three more people last year into the awesomeness that is Braindead. If you still haven't seen it and enjoy a truly over-the-top film this is your film. Peter Jackson is most likely to be remembered by most for The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but to me he will alway be the crazy genius that made Braindead and Bad Taste.