Violent Shit 3 - Infantry of Doom (1999)

Random…

I’ll start by addressing the title. This movie is called Violent Shit 3 – Infantry of Doom! That means this isn’t the first, nor second, but the third movie made named Violent Shit. I haven’t seen the previous installments in the series, but that is obviously an offer I will be unable to resist somewhere in time. I sincerely mean that. It’s refreshing with a movie boasting a title as honest as this one. No one will be surprised by the content in a movie named Violent Shit 3. People want violent shit and so director Andreas Schnaas delivers that as best as he can. There is also the alternate title Zombie Doom, which really isn’t fitting, but we’ll get back to that.

Ron, Mark and Peter are forced to abandon their boat. “Your nephew will pay for this! Get the life boat ready. Goddamn motor quit! Fuck the motor and fuck my nephew. He should die!” Yes, those are actual lines. Soon they find themselves stranded on an island that happens to be inhabited by Karl the Butcher and his army of tin masked assholes. Violent mayhem ensues.

Karl the Butcher also known as The Meister and his father are badass. They enjoy torturing and killing (who doesn’t?). You know you’re dealing with a bad man when he simply needs to say: “Annihilate this asshole!” and someone dies. To help make this more efficient he has help from a mad Hitler looking doctor. He is quite enthusiastic about his work and seems to be the one Schnaas relies on for comic relief. Just watch him after Karl has executed more enemies. Dr. Senius happily runs off with a decapitated head in each hand. Life sure is great for a mad scientist working for Karl the Butcher! It works as well as it could.

One of Violent Shit 3’s strong points is the dialogue. It’s so horrendously terrible that you will laugh from start to finish. Favorite lines: “This is piss! Shit!” The simplicity here is so profound it borderlines brilliance. Or there is when a surprisingly optimistic Mark says: “Maybe we’ll find some hot Amazon babes.” Don’t bet your life on it Mark! This is from the English dubbing. I have no idea how it sounds in its native German, but it can’t possibly be as great.

Now what would Violent Shit 3 be without gore? A five minute short is probably not far off. It delivers in buckets and spades. Most of the stuff looks quite fake, but it’s done with a level of enthusiasm that won me over. There is a scene of teeth violence that looked decent and pulling out someone’s spine from the rectum and up is always rewarding to watch. There are geysers upon geysers of blood and an amount of decapitations that can only be described as phenomenal. Have you seen a quadruple guillotine before? Heads and bodies are split in half and eyes are gouged out. Are you starting to get the idea? This is indeed violent shit. It’s technically less competent than most others and lacks the ability to shock and offend and yet it all feels so rewarding.

Most of the stuff that happens in Violent Shit 3 feels very random. There are random ninjas. They are cool. Any movie featuring ninjas isn’t completely without merit. We also have random zombies, which as far as I could understand were concoctions of Dr. Senius. There is nothing that suggests that this is a zombie doom though. They’re as much a victim of the script writing as anyone and anything else. The strange thing is that Schnaas’ script several times almost feels like something out of a Hitchcock film. I write that with the lightest of words. While the script isn’t exactly loaded with surprises the focus shift on characters is interesting. As it plays out you realize that Schnaas is willing to sacrifice anyone. This gives the movie a sense of uncertainty and makes it hard to root for anyone. Not a bad choice.

I showed this film to friend a while back. As I pressed play he asked me if the movie had started. He clearly wasn’t expecting this level of movie making. Shot on video it looks like crap, which of course most normal people would claim it is. The visual look is about as stripped down as they come. It’s overexposed regularly and when it’s not the colors are drained and lifeless. There are a few scenes where a filter is applied, but it won’t impress anyone. Perhaps it would have been wise to use it all the way through since it gives the film an even less polished look. I felt slightly wrong watching this film on DVD. It should have been a VHS or even better a bootleg VHS. It’s unlikely that this film will ever come out on blu-ray and to do so would be like spitting in its face before mauling it into tiny pieces. Schnaas still does a daring attempt at split-screen at one point that seems quite random considering the rest. It’s a pretty hilarious scene though.  

A question that keeps popping up in my head from time to time, when I venture into the realm of alternate cinema is: How many people are watching this movie today? I know we are closing in on 7 billion people here on Earth, but I remain skeptical that there are others on that particular day thinking Violent Shit 3 will be the best choice for entertainment. And just how many days, if any, have gone since this film was released that no one watched it? I’m just wondering.

We live in an incredible world. There are people here going out in space. Others devote their time trying to cure cancer. Then there is Andreas Schnaas. A man happy just to make the most violent film he can. I’m glad he does.

8/10

Caligula (1979)

Back in the days…

The story is about the rise and fall of the Roman Emperor Caligula. He becomes emperor after Emperor Tiberius is killed. Caligula was apparently 25 years old at the time. He was popular among the people, but I wish they had given us a couple of scenes to establish it better. Malcolm McDowall does an impressive role as Caligula. I never thought he would do a role that makes Alexander DeLarge seem like a rather pleasant person, but here we are. McDowall and Brass agreed on instead of playing Caligula like a madman, they were more interested in portraying him as a great anarchist. Where the truth lies is hard to say, but it remains an interesting choice that works.

Our possessed emperor Caligula.

Based on the historical sources from the time, this portrayal of ancient Rome is apparently pretty accurate. For instance the island Capri was legendary for the sexual perversities Emperor Tiberius indulged in (probably a good thing that part isn’t shown). Peter O’Toole does a fine job as Tiberius and that demonic look in his eyes eventually shows in Caligula too. Though it isn’t really necessary for the film it would have been interesting to explore his origins a bit further. John Gielgud’s minor role is a pleasant one that gives the film, along with McDowall, O’Toole, Mirren and John Steiner, the acting depth it needs. Apparently Gielgud loved the film and saw it three times. Teresa Ann Savoy deserves to be mentioned as well. McDowall comments that according to her own admittance she wasn’t the greatest actress, but there is something very likeable about her. She has a great smile and we are shown her as what stops Caligula from going completely overboard, for some time at least. We are treated to a nice threesome between her, Caligula and Caesonia (Mirren) as well. John Steiner, now a successful real estate agent, plays convincingly creepy as Longinus. He is an actor I always feel is unfairly neglected, that actually had the guts to take on some very, let’s say, alternate roles. While it’s great to see Caligula walk his path towards doom I always get the distinct feeling something is missing, though I’m never entirely sure what.

The real star of Caligula, to me at least, is Danilo Donati’s art direction and costume design. Everything here looks great. There is the wonderfully unpractical head decapitating machine, which Helen Mirren refuses to watch on the audio commentary. Yet oddly enough she has no qualms with seeing the penis severing later on, which makes me think Lars Von Trier may have been onto something with Antichrist. We also have the magnificent ship used during the big orgy scene after Caligula has prostituted the senator’s wives. The soldiers dancing in this scene has a comical quality to them. You can see a similar walk in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Seeing huge white sets with a lonely Caligula walking through wearing a red dress is truly beautiful and captures the grandeur of it all very well. Donati expertly realizes the excesses of ancient Rome.

One big happy family, well maybe not, but Donati sure knew how to make a film look grand!

The sex is frequent, yet doesn’t feel very erotic for the most part. The unrated version tries to deal with this with mediocre results, partially due to more sloppy cinematography. Caligula shows the sexual debauchery that went on to great extent, but still allows the viewer to observe it with a certain detached attitude. There are some stand-out scenes among them though, one being Caligula having his way with the bride of a Roman soldier and then further humiliating him with lard and putting a cherry on him. It reminds me of a similar moment of cruelty in Salon Kitty where a Nazi steps on the toy of a little Jewish kid. The insanity that can possess people, rendering them unable to empathize with others, because they simply think they are better. Kudos to Brass for making uncomfortable scenes like these and actually making them work very well.

Uncomfortable art. Caligula humiliating the bride and groom.

Year’s back I bought Caligula on VHS thinking it was the uncut version. It was the R rated 98 minute version, but I still enjoyed it, despite having this feeling that there was a bigger movie in there yearning to breathe free. More years passed and I finally got to watch the unrated 156 minute version and the alternative 153 minute version. The unrated version is the one closest to what Penthouse founder Bob Guccione envisioned. It features a lot more hardcore footage and some curious editing choices. Unlike the alternative version, this has Caligula and his sister running around in the forest somewhere around the middle, the unrated cut opens with this. I thought it was a rather charming and naïve way of starting the movie. It made me think this would be a entertaining sexual romp to put a smile on my face. This of course soon changes. Anyone venturing into the world of Caligula should expect a certain amount of sexual debauchery and then some. The unrated cut delivers in this aspect. My problem with a lot of this footage, which Guccione shot himself, is that it you notice it’s inserted. I don’t really mind inserted footage if they’re able to make it work or if a directors like Bruno Mattei or Joe D’Amato does it, but this is supposed to be a great motion picture. Instead all the added hardcore footage makes you yawn. Guccione complained that the film wasn’t erotic enough, but his contribution does next to nothing to help this matter. The additional footage makes the movie drag and the editing here is inferior to that of the alternate cut. The R rated cut drops all the hardcore footage and remains the weakest of the three versions, clearly screaming something is missing.

Guccione had a vision of the film. His vision was somewhere along the lines of the ultimate porn film. Gore Vidal, who wrote the screenplay, had a vision of the film. In fact Vidal has, quite arrogantly, said that a director’s job should be to stay as faithful as possible to the authors vision. And director Tinto Brass had a vision of the film. So what happens when egos collide? Three different cuts, a director who is only credited as “director of principal photography”, Malcolm McDowall and others re-writing the script almost on a daily basis among others. I think the history around this movie is important because it gives you a better understanding of what Caligula is and what it should have been. Seeing an interview with Tinto Brass I was surprised that he didn’t really hold a grudge against Guccione. Instead he blames the men surrounding and influencing Guccione. Of course he controlled the money, which had a lot to do with the outcome. Having seen Brass’ excellent Salon Kitty I really wish he had been given a fair chance to prove his worth. Tinto himself states that he intended to make a movie about the “orgy of power” and not the” power of the orgy”, which is closer to what Caligula has become. It’s strange how things can turn out.

While Caligula may not seem like such a big deal today it’s was quite controversial upon its release. Seeing actors of such stature in a film frequently shelved in the porn section wasn’t everyday stuff. All the controversy seems only to have given it a bigger audience and the movie was a hit.

I appreciate and like Caligula for what it is, even though I feel the parts don’t really add up as a whole. It’s an interesting, well made, depraved and severely flawed film. It’s frustrating to see a film where you see its intentions unfulfilled. Caligula is a case where the making of the film is more interesting than the actual film itself, unfortunately. Even so it has rightfully made its mark in movie history. Caligula is worth seeing for the open minded and the excellent DVD release features an abundance of anecdotes and insight well worth seeing.

Alternate cut – 7/10

Unrated cut – 5/10

R rated cut – 4/10

Dirty Dancing (1987)

  

Catching up with the 80s…

For nearly 26 years Dirty Dancing had avoided my ever prowling movie eyes. I had been given the movie by a female classmate who felt this was one dance I had to take. Weeks went by, waiting for the right moment. I feared the amount of movies I have digested through the years would make me choke on a sappy romance revolved around dancing. Then on April 6^th 2011 the day had finally arrived. Without hesitation I grabbed the DVD and put it in the player. Music from the film played in the background as the various copyright warnings threatened to take me down should this movie be misused in any way, shape or form. I found myself sitting in the couch moving my shoulders to the music. Oh, boy! This is going to be an experience! But what kind of experience would it be?

I’m guessing just about everyone has seen this movie now. If you haven’t the story goes something like this: Frances “Baby” Houseman (Jennifer Grey) and her family is spending the summer in a holiday camp. Baby has chosen her path here in life, but as she falls for handsome dance instructor Johnny (Patrick Swayze) things start happening. Will their romance be a short-lived affair or is this true love?

The basic story sounds simple enough and I would argue that it is. So is there any reason Dirty Dancing should stick out from so many others of its kind? Well, yes there is. Most of the different elements in the movie come together very well. What surprised me most was how watchable it was from beginning to end. There wasn’t really any moment that had me looking at the watch. I was always kept intrigued enough to wonder how further events would unfold.

My experience with Jennifer Grey extends to her role as Ferris’ bitchy sister in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Here she is given more leeway to showcase her talents as the somewhat reserved rich daughter. Her first encounter with the world of alternate dancing is quite funny. Clearly not in her regular environment she’s about as stiff as a corpse. Fortunately, there isn’t a very long way from this to a looser, more casual Jennifer smiling ever so big. Her turn from a more naïve existence to growing up, all in the course of three weeks(!), makes for a fun and surprisingly poignant viewing. That last line sounded slightly pompous. I’ll rephrase: Jennifer’s ideals are put to the test as she comes to terms with whom she is and who she wants to be.

As for Patrick Swayze, he has never looked slicker, but for my money the epitome of cool is still his portrayal of Bodhi in Point Break. I have no problem accepting that he instantly became a teen heartthrob through Dirty Dancing though. His dance moves are quite impressive and the acting balances nicely between so cool he can walk around with sunglasses at night to slightly more cheesy “I’m just a..”. It’s interesting to see a guy that seems so sure of himself dealing with the harsher realities of life. But on the dance floor, nobody can touch him! I think that’s were at least part of Johnny’s strength comes from. This is also what makes it all the more frustrating to see the management not acknowledging and utilizing his talents. Of course this is a part of the never ending struggle between the old and the new.

Love is in the air. Infectious chemistry.

I’ll admit it. I bought the chemistry between our two leads. They complement and give each other strength. One scene that struck me as particularly great is when Baby responds to Johnny’s claim that she is brave: “Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.” Yes, growing up isn’t easy and neither is adult life, but that’s another story. It shines through how her very core has been rocked and makes the audience long for that sappy, happy ending. Despite that it all may sound a bit melodramatic Dirty Dancing capably balances it with warm endearing humor. It’s rarely laugh-out-loud kind of stuff, but the ability to regularly lure a genuine smile out of you is praise worthy.

Now, it has to be said that I have a severe weakness for 80s movies. Even when those movies portray a different time, like in this case the 60s. There is just something about how they made films then. They feel more spirited. This may have affected my judgment here. One of the many treats for me was finally having scenes to go with all those songs I’ve heard growing up. I wouldn’t say I’ve had "The Time of My Life" as the title track suggests, but it was still an immensely enjoyable affair! It managed to appeal to the romantic in me, without feeling cold and calculating. That’s a BIG complement coming from me. It’s great to be reminded that I am perhaps not quite as cynical a movie lover after all.

8/10

Cannibal ferox (1981)

 

Strap yourself in. It’s going to be a bumpy ride!

Umberto Lenzi takes a third stab, or would that be bite, at the cannibal genre. In all fairness his previous effort, Man from Deep River, which launched the Italian cannibal cycle, was more of a jungle adventure/love story with a few cannibals thrown in for good measure. A year before Cannibal ferox he made his second meat eater tale with Eaten Alive, where he liberally edited footage from other cannibal films into his own feature. Anyway, has Umberto Lenzi learned anything before he once again went back to the jungle?

The story revolves around aspiring anthropologist Gloria (Lorraine de Selle, Emanuelle in America), who with her brother Rudy and their easy-going friend Pat set off into the Amazon jungle to disapprove the theory of cannibalism. In the jungle they meet the coke-loving, emerald searching madman Mike Lawson (Giovanni Lombardo Radice aka John Morghen) and his partner Joe. They have pissed off the local tribe and soon they are all up shit creek without a paddle.

The narrative isn’t exactly brilliant (would you expect it to be?). We follow our three main characters into the jungle, occasionally interrupted by New York scenes where both the local mafia and police are quite eager to catch Mike. But Mike is in the jungle too! While I initially thought the search for Mike would lead anywhere it proves to be more like a MacGuffin and thus rendering it utterly pointless. It took me out of the movie where I wanted to stay in the jungle.

A part of what I love about these cannibal films are that they are actually filmed out in the wild. It gives them an authenticity rarely seen today. The cast and crew were working in dangerous conditions. That immediately earns Cannibal ferox respect in my book. Apparently filming in the jungle was occasionally interrupted by drug smuggling airplanes passing by. Those were the days!

Gruesome effects for a gruesome movie. 

Now our cast Gloria, Rudy and Pat are decent folks. Pat is a little messed-up, but seems harmless. The real villain of the movie is Mike. Radice really excels in his role. His morals are off the chart and we are given ample time to hate him and wishing for his demise. Killing the local cannibals for no good reason is always something you should be careful about! He more than gets his comeuppance, while treating the audience to some wince inducing effects, including penis severing and a couple of outrageous decapitations. Yes, this is the kind of movie that delivers on its promise of graphic brutality. It does so in a more extreme way than even Cannibal Holocaust, in my opinion. Radice claims that Lenzi really liked seeing the violence (so do I), but there is something gleefully sadistic about the way it is shown. The scene where Mike kills a pig is especially uncomfortable. Radice wasn’t interested in killing the pig, so that job was left to someone else. The scene is brutal, but what really drives it home is the short dialogue exchange between Gloria and Mike immediately afterwards; “Did you have to torture it that way? What, do you get off on ecology? Huh? Twat.” It feels as if Lenzi is attacking opponents of his work methods here. Don’t tell me what to do! If I say that pig had to die, it had to die! I could of course be wrong. While I can’t say I really approve of these all too frequent animal slayings, but it is part of a movie genre that lived a thankfully short life. The animal killings blur the line between fiction and reality to disturbing effect just like it’s supposed to. Those were different times with different rules.

As for the technical aspects they work very well. The always economic Lenzi reuses his score by Roberto Donati and Fiamma Maglione from Eaten Alive. The intense doom-laden music does wonders for the film, but a funky track too often detract from the on-screen brutality. He also treats us to some beautiful landscape shots. It’s a nice contrast to the rest of the film. The alternate title, Make Them Die Slowly, perfectly encompasses the spirit of Cannibal ferox. Ferox is actually a Latin word meaning fierce, so it must be something to it!

In the end Cannibal ferox is a decent jungle horror for those of us that revel in extreme movies. There are definitely others in the genre that are better, but if you want uncompromising brutality this your kind of movie.

6/10