Blood and Sex Nightmare (2008)

Blood and sex finally united on film!

Spoilers! You can thank me later.

Blood and Sex Nightmare starts off by showing us a tied-up woman and a maniac sharpening his butcher knife. She dies, but only after the camera has turned away, because some movies are like that. It’s quite a dull opening really. Then the movie proceeds…

Right from the beginning it’s evident that this is bottom of the barrel modern exploitation. I don’t mind that, in theory. This is quite basic filmmaking, but was it for instance really necessary to ever so slightly adjust the camera in several scenes? Couldn’t the director and director of photography come to terms with the composition before shooting? I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt that this was a conscious decision. That still makes it annoying since you’re taken out of the movie. Random zooming also occurs, but lacks the flavor of someone like Joe D’Amato.

Anyway, there is this guy Nick and his girlfriend Amy. Amy has just come back from something, not really of any importance, and Nick wants her to come with him to an adult resort called “Pleasure Mountain”. Amy doubtfully agrees. The punch line is that she’s a virgin, which makes an adult resort less ideal. That’s kind of funny, isn’t it? During their short, yet way too long conversation, the dialogue battles for your concentration along with the sound of horror trailers playing in the background. For the record, I recommend focusing on the trailer sounds. They are so much more interesting. Kudos to whoever gave us the option to choose though.

They arrive at their destination only to discover a rather pathetic looking cabin. There are no shots trying to establish how the resort looks as a whole, but I suspect this has a perfectly natural explanation. Good filmmakers make separate locations that are supposed to be one seem as one. You could argue that it’s part of the charm, unless you’re me. It’s obvious that this is made by horror fans. The camp is promoted as a Camp Crystal Lake sort of place, with an old guy sure they are all doomed! The old guy is actually the caretaker, Walter. He has arguably the best lines in the movie, such as: “They’re gonna be dead soon. Then she’ll be mine!” Best of luck to you Walter!

To up the body count we meet some of the other sex seekers at the camp. One of the cabins is particularly bizarre. An incest role-play is acted out like a sitcom complete with laugh track. It’s the boldest attempt at humor in the movie and perhaps even a try to soften cynical reviewers? All the deaths are done off-screen, which indicates just how low the budget really is. Making blood splatter appears to be cheap fortunately! They even cut away before someone, Willy, punctures one of the tires on Nick’s car. But hey, I’m not going to argue for destroying a perfectly good tire! That car probably brought the crew to the location and without it where would they be? Really?

This is also a supernatural film, since a straight-forward slasher would be a copout. Sarcasm check! It turns out that a guy, Felix Gallo, died here years ago. He hung himself and his pedophile mother is given the blame. All the sexual tensions of the resort have made him come back. Boggaboo!

As if this wasn’t enough we have a couple of slackers working at the resort watching horror. They actually seemed to be watching a movie with the ghost of Felix Gallo. I dare you to confirm this on your own! “Do you think movie violence fucks you up? I don’t know, but it’s awesome!” That did make me chuckle, a little. Blood and Sex Nightmare trying to give us that additional layer is a perfectly redundant choice.

Amy defeats the ghostly ghoul with a mirror, because mirrors can be like that. The 59 minute running time is near the end. Cut to two years later, same place and a recycled ending done to death. I had to ask myself if it’s spoofing clichés or just perpetuating them. My guess would be the latter.

Blood and Sex Nightmare is a dull film. Despite my hostility I don' hate it. Someone has created something that is out there for the masses to behold. It is what it is, but couldn’t that be something a little more worthwhile?

2/10