Kidnapped Coed (1976)

Back in the 70s when people made movies…

Kidnapped Coed also known as Date with a Kidnapper and The Kidnap Lover marks Frederick R. Friedel’s second film in a grand total of three. Along for the ride he has actor Jack Canon, musicians George Newman Shaw and John Willhelm and cinematographer Austin McKinney. All were participants in Friedel’s debut Lisa, Lisa, better known as Axe for marketing purposes. The Kidnapped Coed title, coined by notorious distributor Harry Novak, is likely an attempt to cash in on the Edmund Kemper case, better known as “The Co-ed Killer” a few years earlier.

Eddie Matlock (Canon), a small time criminal, kidnaps young Sandra Morley (Leslie Rivers) for ransom. This marks the beginning of a strange journey through North Carolina.

Kidnapped Coed feels like a string of almost random scenes that all add up as a whole. Eddie and Sandra encounter two other bad guys at a hotel, which she initially thinks will save her, but instead rape her. Eddie saves her and their journey continues to the next location. One particularly strange and quite humorous scene is when a group of female birdwatchers walk around close to their new hideout. It helps in terms of developing the tone of the story, because while it starts off rather tensely it becomes lighter and lighter during its course. Canon makes a great leading guy that at first glance seems like a cold and calculating criminal, but as the story progresses he comes off as slightly tragic and even sympathetic. The dialogue is sparse, but it says just enough to make an impact. This is also a movie where silences speak volumes. Eddie and Sandra’s evolving relationship feels credible and makes you wonder how it all will end. The ending is quite abrupt, but according to Friedel himself he chose a voiceover ending since there wasn’t any money left for further shots. An unhappy ending was filmed at first, but dropped to keep the in synch with the tone of the film.

Friedel has made the little exploitation film that could with Kidnapped Coed. He is given ample support from the two leads that raise it above its simple roots. The music works well and is an important ingredient when it comes to developing the feel of the film. It certainly left me smiling and didn’t shy away from experimenting. Cinematographer McKinney provides inspired shots that are frequently more beautiful than you would expect from such a film. He went on to shoot Galaxy of Terror (1981) and Jaws 3-D (1983) among other and was apparently even assistant director on Coleman Francis legendary The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961). Friedel readily admits that much of the movie wasn’t planned exactly like it turned out, but this seems only to have benefitted Kidnapped Coed. It also explains the episodic nature of it. Kidnapped Coed wasn’t a big success upon release, but remains an oddity very much worth checking out. If Terrence Malick had made an exploitation film out of Badlands (1973) with a lower budget I imagine it could have looked something like this.

7.5/10

Death Wish II (1982)

Bronson’s loose again!

Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) has found relative peace in Los Angeles after the chaos caused with his hands-on approach to justice in New York two years earlier. His daughter is still suffering trauma from this, but he does his best to show her the better sides of life. Kersey has also found a love interest in the shape of Geri (Bronson’s real wife Jill Ireland). The storm appears to have calmed down. Unfortunately, Paul soon realizes that he is actually in the center of it.

While Death Wish showed us Paul’s gradual descent, or would that be ascent, to vigilante Death Wish II doesn’t need that. Kersey killed 9 scumbags on the streets of New York. All we need this time is motivation to make him pick up former hobbies. A gang of criminals featuring a young Laurence Fishburne provides him with said motivation. Paul’s maid is gang raped and eventually killed in particularly long and unpleasant scene. He is knocked out, his darling daughter kidnapped and subsequently not treated in the gentlest of ways. I consider myself rather hardened, but director Michael Winner still managed to push Death Wish II to uncomfortable limits. That is also why it has frequently been censored. Vigilante justice will be screaming in your ears after the first half hour. This second film is much more exploitative than the first one, dwelling much more on the sexual and violent aspects.

Raping Kersey's maid was a big mistake, but the worst is yet to come. 

Paul takes a short break after these tragic events before finding his gun and getting ready for payback. After acquiring a suitable vigilante outfit for scouring the streets the lone gunman starts his mission for justice/revenge. Watching Bronson prowling the streets is easily one of the movies’ highlights. Various great locations create a dark urban dystopia along with fitting 80s music by Jimmy Page.

Already in the opening credits a radio station broadcasts about how much the murder rate has gone up along with rape and other crimes. With an abundance of homicides it seems strange that the detectives come to the conclusion that a vigilante is on the loose, but hey, they could just be really smart guys. This leads them ask how the whole vigilante problem was taken care of in New York. Paul Kersey’s name comes up once again. Since they essentially sanctioned vigilante justice back there by letting him go, they aren’t that interested in Kersey being taken in and potentially letting out a political bomb while making him out as a martyr in the process. Kersey won’t be stopped though! Kersey is given leeway around most corners. A couple he saves from a gang of hoodlums is less than cooperative when the police ask them for a description. Most of the law abiding citizens appear to be pro-vigilantism. I cheer on Bronson as well, as will you.

There is something very satisfying with seeing scumbags meet their demise, especially when it comes in the shape of Charles Bronson. Death Wish II is at times highly unpleasant to watch building anticipation for the consequences. And there are indeed consequences for wrongdoings here! Michael Winner has created an urban hell that makes for a fascinating watch. Bronson provides us with a believable character with warmth and yet conveys stoicism aplenty. If you like brutal revenge movies then Death Wish II is for you.

8/10

Gutterballs (2008)

Strike!


I like movies that show exactly what they're like within the opening minutes. Gutterballs provides us with a beaver shot so candid that you in all likeliness will tilt your head and go; Hmm. This is the kind of film that goes that extra mile, something that undoubtedly will offend any regular and possibly the more hardened viewer.

A woman is raped in a bowling alley and the following evening people start dying at that very same bowling alley. Could this be a coincidence? Divine forces at large? Terrorists? Whoever or whatever the case may be the story is simple enough, so leave any intellectual expectations at the door or in the gutter.

Gutterballs scores a few points for style. It plays like an homage to the great heydays of 80s slashers. Even the costumes have a modern retro look that fits in nicely. It's cheesy, yet cool. Entertaining and at times squirm inducing sound effects too.

I've noticed a few complaints about the acting in this film, despite that no one would expect Oscar worthy performances in such a film. Yes, there are some notably weak performances, but I would like to defend the actors here. They are so incredibly over-the-top, just like they should be when spoofing such stereotypes, that you never accept them as real human beings. This is a good thing. They exist solely within the reality of this movie. I like the characters in the sense that they aren't played as anyone with any depth. Steve is a maniacal brute so up-tight that you expect him to explode at any given moment. He NEVER does a single thing that makes you reassess your hatred of him. You want him to die and that is the point. The sluts are slutty and everybody just wants to get their groove on. Now the dialogue is about as sharply written as you would expect. It constantly uses  fuck and its variations, cunt and mostly ferociously crude insults. You're likely to become tired of it (I was relieved whenever someone DIDN'T swear), but even so the excessive use of profanities becomes quite funny after a while. I would like to see a cartoon version of this. And I don't think this would have worked with the characters saying: "Would you be a darling and get me a beer?" It's not that kind of a film.

Then there is the great, talking, bowling ball polish machine. I really, really liked this machine and I wish it had more screen time. None of the bowlers contemplates its rude remarks, nor should they. I can't say I understand its purpose, but it adds to the surreal feeling that anything goes in this movie. If elves suddenly appeared and started dancing and singing I would be cool with that as well. Bring it on! As the notable rape scene commenced I initially thought it had a certain camp aspect to it. However, as it continued and the rest of Steve's gang joins in, with vicious brutality, this becomes one of the most unpleasant rapes you're ever likely to see in a movie, deserving a place alongside Meir Zarchi's I Spit on Your Grave and Irreversible. My friends squirmed and complained that it was pointless and overly long. Well, it drives the point home AND it makes you long for them to die in the most brutal manners possible. Mission accomplished.

Then there is the gore. The glorious gore! This is where Gutterballs really excels. It delivers buckets of blood. There is a scene of graphic genital mutilation that I'm sure will make anyone being sickened by the one in Hostel: Part II run for their lives. It doesn't look pretty! Shotgun blast to the throat, forced entry with sharpened bowling pin, strangulation, a slit throat, faced ripped to pieces plus other enjoyable deaths. We even get a death by phallus in a manner I'm not sure has been done since Joe D'Amato's Porno Holocaust. That takes balls (sorry, couldn't resist)! The unveiling of the killer ends in a climax so bloody I couldn't help but wonder if all the plastic sheets covering the room were there just so it would be easy for the crew to clean up after filming was done? Tell me I'm wrong. Not that it matters really.

Delivering the goods. Gory mayhem for the win.

No sane person would ever call Gutterballs a great film in any traditional sense. It's a simple story that slasher fans have seen time and again. And that's what we want! Add to that a director who obviously loves these films and brings with him a few new ideas to play around with and you are in for a bloody good time! It works within the confinements of the sub genre. Like previously mentioned, Gutterballs is not a film for the average film viewer. It isn't even a film for most horror fans. It's relentlessly brutal and never apologizes for it. Fortunately! But for those venturing in low-budget extreme cinema this is pure gold. I'm glad that there are people out there who still make films for this audience. It makes me feel spoiled and I love it!


8/10

Memories of movies #1 - Braindead

When I was a kid my parents were more strict than some of the other parents regarding what I could and could not see. It's interesting this tug-of-war. I respected, for the most part, my parents decisions when they said no, but circumvented this frequently by not asking them. If they hadn't been given the opportunity to say no, I couldn't really be blamed now, could I? One of my best friends had more liberal parents (well, several really, but one in particular). So, after having seen that crazy cover for Braindead at one of the local rental shops I immediately knew that this was something I had to see.

The Swedish VHS cover for Braindead. It's virtually identical to the Norwegian one.

I brought this to my friends attention on several occasions after this. He had no qualms about acquiring this one. His mother loved horror and his stepfather at the time was really cool. He even rented Showgirls for us at one time, but that's a different story. Anyway, we ended up renting Braindead for his tenth birthday. The rest of us we're still 9 years old at the time, so the year must have been 1994. As I realized he had actually rented the film and that we were going to watch it I hesitated for a moment. This looked really extreme and was a far cry from my usual movie diet. I was even hesitant when another friend one or two years earlier wanted to rent Batman Returns, which I loved from the very first moment. Braindead seemed to be in a whole other ball park though. A part of me considered the possibility that this film would cause me to throw up and so I kept an empty glass by my side, just in case. It still seems odd to me that I resonated like that at age 9. The VHS was put on and the very graphic opening gave us all a taste of what was in store for the next 90 minutes plus. My friend had a German Shepard and Westland High Terrier. Both of them were female and during the course of Braindead they tried humping each other in front of the screen several times. It didn't work very well, though they seemed happy. At one point anther one of my friends put some chips on my knee, which the German Shepard promptly ate. I felt the teeth gently meeting my leg as she took them. My friend was laughing. I wasn't at the time. As for the glass it was soon put down and we all laughed and had a great time from beginning to end. We were shocked and thrilled. It was an instant hit for us. Watching Braindead that day also became one of my first meetings with horror and the more extreme films that are out there. Several years went by after that before my obsession with horror and alternative film blossomed, but Braindead was a cornerstone.

Since that day I've seen Braindead about once a year making it somewhere between 16 and 20 times. I never grow tired of this film. It has an abundance of gore that hasn't been equaled before or since, though some have tried, most notably Olaf Ittenbach's Premutos - Der gefallene Engel. It is also an utterly hilarious movie and very well made. I keep showing this movie to the uninitiated and baptized at three more people last year into the awesomeness that is Braindead. If you still haven't seen it and enjoy a truly over-the-top film this is your film. Peter Jackson is most likely to be remembered by most for The Lord of the Rings trilogy, but to me he will alway be the crazy genius that made Braindead and Bad Taste.

Nekromantik (1987)

And now for something completely different…

There are a few movies out there I dread seeking out. Even so, my curiosity usually gets the better of me, which eventually led me to Nekromantik. What can be said about Nekromantik? Right from the amateurish opening credits you notice the movie’s grim visual style. Virtually everything and everyone looks ugly and filthy. If you want more sanitized depictions of corpse violation try to watch Nacho Cerda’s Aftermath instead. Fortunately the gritty visuals here, much like, say The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, works to its advantage.

The story revolves around Rob who works at Joe’s Street Cleaning Agency, which basically bags corpses from accidents, murders etc. Rob has a nice collection of body parts in his apartment, where he lives with his girlfriend Betty. One day he gets the task of disposing of the recent body they picked up. Instead he takes it home with him. There is a wonderful, “Honey! I’m home!”, like moment as he arrives and eagerly shows Betty the rotting carcass. Rob gently strokes and presses his finger down on the moist remaining eyeball, smiling.

The scene that provides us with said body is truly corny. A German guy (well, they’re all German here) is drinking beer whilst shooting his BB gun and accidentally hits the neighbor who happens to be picking apples at the time. He lands on a rake and dies. This is all accompanied by weird, yet strangely fitting, music. There is also a garden gnome witnessing the whole affair, but he remains silent.

Betty and Rob lives happily with their new found friend until he is fired for being late for job. This infuriates Betty, who dumps Rob and leaves with their mutual love interest.

Now Nekromantik gives you a pretty darn twisted threesome with Betty, Rob and the corpse. Seeing Rob suck out his eyeball in a sensual manner is not the stuff of ordinary films. Yet, I think the scene is… wait for it… done in a tasteful manner. Now this may be the oxymoron if ever there was one, but the visual style in this scene makes it less disgusting. Maybe because you notice the effects and it draws some of your attention away from what is actually going on? Either way this will test the limits of most people. Fortunately, those who deliberately seek this movie out aren’t most people. I wonder how many people out there who accidentally stumbled over Nekromantik?

A different kind of love story.

Corpse fucking 101. You will need one pipe to substitute the corpse's penis.

Betty leaving sends Rob in a downwards spiral. He tries to get his mind on other things and goes to the movies, where he watches a slasher. Now I would very much have enjoyed seeing a full length feature of this film within a film. It’s trashy and contains sexualized violence (reason enough for banning it in the UK even without the actual movie I’m sure). This doesn’t really work for him, so he treats himself to a hooker instead. However this whole ordeal has emasculated Rob who is unable to get an erection. She laughs to his discontent before lying lifeless on a tombstone as Rob takes back control. Or would that be loses control? This is followed by a nice beheading reminiscent of the one early on in Bad Taste. Rob then proceeds to run around happily, in what I’m not sure whether is fantasy or reality. Regardless, seeing him running and cheering has a naïve quality to it that makes me laugh every time. He also nails his little Jesus figure to the cross. Does Rob see the possibility of dying and being resurrected? The movie screams; YES! His demise remains one of the sickest endings ever put on film. It feels strangely elevating despite being what it is. I also like the contrast here, sprouting life as he dies. Buttgereit expertly punctuates that fine line between life and death, both coming together at the same time. It leaves me flabbergasted every time. Stranger even is that Buttgereit manages to top this ending in Nekromantik 2, if you can believe it.

Nekromantik is a disgusting film. What exonerates it from being just a disgusting film is the sheer creativity behind it all. It’s made with a real can-do attitude, humor and a certain naivety. I guess that is necessary to make something like Nekromantik. While it is an unpleasant watch it simultaneously plays like a romantic comedy for the truly demented. I love the fact that someone actually had this idea and then made a film out of it. I’ve seen it five times so far and I keep going back from time to time just to be reminded of what movies with balls look like. Bravo Jörg Buttgereit! Bravo!

8/10

The Annihilators (1985)

Complete annihilation…

After a former brother-in-arms from Vietnam is killed by a gang of thugs his former platoon leader is recruited to clean up the streets. He summons the rest of the squad and the game is on. The story is simple and has been done several times before. There is a relatively short first part that takes place in Vietnam to establish the relationship between the soldiers. I really wish they had spent another ten minutes building on this to give the rest of the film a deeper emotional impact. Sure this is a 80s vigilante film, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have characters we really care about. Does it? The vigilante force also teaches the neighborhood how they can defend themselves in a montage. And who doesn’t enjoy a good montage? This montage is mediocre, but that’s okay. The Annihilators could easily have been mistaken for the A-Team. They aren’t that professional and they are slightly more violent. Other than that they are just the same. In fact there is at least on A-Team episode exactly like this film. One of the highlights in this film is the gang leader. He looks like a shabby Kurt Russell and when he wears that wonderful pink t-shirt you won’t exactly tremble with fear. The guy has balls though. At one point he walks around in the middle of the street with a flamethrower yelling that he wants his drugs back. NOW! It’s hilarious stuff! How he became a gang leader is anyone’s guess. He isn’t a very good leader and his minions are even less capable of anything. They are crappy stereotypes, which I suppose is only what one can expect from a movie like this. On the positive side, this only adds to the overall cheese factor. 

Now the thing that really annoyed me about The Annihilators is the title. It’s called THE ANNIHILATORS! The definition of annihilate in the Oxford dictionary is; to destroy completely. Our vigilante squad frequently just hurt the gang members. Only towards the end do we see a somewhat steady rise in bodies. However, they are still merely shot. At least director Charles E. Sellier Jr. could have had the decency to give us some Peckinpah or Woo style shootings. And even then I doubt they could have called themselves The Annihilators with pride. Now had they taken out the scumbags with rocket launchers, claymore mines or such, the whole affair would have looked a lot different! It's a shame really, especially considering the directors' previous film was the brutal Christmas slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night. This could have been way more satisfying.

I could go on about all the things The Annihilators isn’t, but that would be unfair to it. For all its faults The Annihilators provide some entertainment, mostly in the cheese department. Grab some recreational drugs, a pizza and watch with friends.

4/10

Beneath (2007)

Nothing new…

As a teenager Christy Wescot and her sister Vanessa are in a car accident. Vanessa becomes horribly burned before she eventually dies. Christy has a mental breakdown and leaves town. Six years later she returns when their old caretaker passes away. Memories and visions haunt her. Could Vanessa be trying to say something from beyond the grave?

We’ve seen the story before. A person who has suffered some childhood trauma returns home only to be confronted with demons past. Beneath never manages to do something new and creative with this concept, but in its unoriginality it still remains pretty watchable. One of the reasons for this is the mercifully short running time and general pace. There isn’t anything excessive in the movie. We are told what’s necessary and little else. Some movies need time to unfold, while others like Beneath, benefit on being concise and to the point. None of the actors really make a mark, but Nora Zehetner as Christy is likeable enough. It was a pleasant surprise to see Don S. Davis (Twin Peaks, Stargate SG-1) in a minor role as the caretaker Joseph too. The technical aspects of the movie are generally decent, with a couple of great shots, like the tracking shot as Christy first comes home. There was one musical cue that was supposed to scare, but instead came off as forced ruining an otherwise decent scene. Speaking of scares there is very little suspense in the movie. The returning visions may yank those dosing on the couch back to reality, however it soon becomes tiresome. Only towards the end does Beneath manage to create some tension, but it’s too little too late. The ending was an interesting mess making me wonder if they were unsure how to round it all off.

Ultimately Beneath isn’t likely to scare horror fans, though a younger crowd may find it satisfying. The film is well made for being a straight-to-DVD release and everyone involved seem to have contributed the best they could. It looks alright and it kept my attention throughout. I only wish they had made a stronger effort in writing the script.

5/10